Triangular theory of love

The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, "the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a commitment component."

Sternberg says that intimacy refers to "feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in loving relationships," passion refers to "the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation, and related phenomena in loving relationships" and decision/commitment means different things in the short and long term. In the short-term, it refers to "the decision that one loves a certain other", and in the long-term, it refers to "one's commitment to maintain that love."

Components

Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements. "The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other."

The three components of love as described in the theory are as follows:

Intimacy

Intimacy is the attachment and bonding component in the model. This type of relationship is associated with connection and understanding.

Intimacy is primarily defined as something of a personal or private nature; familiarity.

Commitment

Commitment is the decision and continuation component in the model. This type of relationship is associated with finality and the future.

Commitment is primarily defined as an agreement or pledge to do something. In Sternberg's theory, one of his main principles is intimacy. It is clear that intimacy is an important aspect of love, ultimately using it to help define the difference between compassionate and passionate love.

The second, presented by John Lee, is the color wheel model of love. In his theory, using the analogy of primary colors to love, Lee defines the three different styles of love: Eros, Ludus, and Storge. Most importantly within his theory, he concludes that these three primary styles, like the making of complementary colors, can be combined to make secondary forms of love. In Sternberg's theory, he presents, like Lee, that through the combination of his three main principles, different forms of love are created.

Sternberg also described three models of love, including the Spearmanian, Thomsonian, and Thurstonian models. According to the Spearmanian model, love is a single bundle of positive feelings. In the Thomsonian model, love is a mixture of multiple feeling that, when brought together, produce the feeling. The Thurstonian model is the closest to the triangular theory of love, and posits that love is made up of a set of feelings of approximately equal importance that are best understood on their own rather than as an integrated whole. In this model, these various factors contribute simultaneously to the experience of love, and can be disconnected from each other.

Elaboration

Sternberg's triangular theory of love was developed after the identification of passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is focused on the present at the onset of a relationship, while companionate love endures and grows over time with deep meanings in that relationship. Both are different kinds of love but are connected in relationships.

Passionate love is associated with strong feelings of love and desire for a specific person. This love is full of excitement and novelty. Passionate love is important in the beginning of the relationship and typically lasts 3-12 months. There is a chemical component to passionate love; those experiencing it enjoy an increase in the neurotransmitters phenylethylamine and oxytocin. There is empirical research, particularly from linking love to the opioid circuit in the brain. This type of love comes later on in the relationship and requires a certain level of knowledge in each person in the relationship.

Sternberg created his triangle next. The triangle's points are intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimate love is the corner of the triangle that encompasses the close bonds of loving relationships. Intimate love felt between two people means that they each feel a sense of high regard for the other. They wish to make each other happy, share with each other, be in communication with each other, help when one is in need. Two people with intimate love deeply value each other.

Passionate love is based on drive. Couples in passionate love feel physically attracted to each other. Sexual desire is typically a component of passionate love. Passionate love is not limited to sexual attraction, however. It is a way for couples to express feelings of nurture, dominance, submission, self-actualization, etc.

Infatuated love (Passion): Also known as "puppy love", this type consists of romantic interest without yet forming a connection to the other.
Romantic love (Intimacy & Passion): This type involves both the romance and connection of the other, which could be a romantic affair or a one-night stand. It is usually associated with close friends and family.
Fatuous love (Passion & Commitment): This type is a long-term romantic relationship without connection. Marriages under this type lack the stability of intimacy and often become displeasing. However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die."

Sternberg's triangular theory of love provides a strong foundation for his later theory of love, entitled Love as a Story. In this theory, he explains that the large numbers of unique and different love stories convey different ways of how love is understood. He believes that over time this exposure helps a person determine what love is or what it should be to them. These two theories create Sternberg's duplex theory of love.

"Personal relationships that have the greatest longevity and satisfaction are those in which partners are constantly working on sustaining intimacy and reinforcing commitment to each other."

In a large-scale cross-cultural study published in the Journal of Sex Research in 2020, the cultural universality of the theory was supported.

Triangular theory of love

Components

Intimacy

Commitment

Elaboration

See also

References

External links